Just had to share my current favorite song, Stuck by Lindsay Lohan. It’s really wicked mix and I’m surprised there was never a video for this song, and from what I can tell, it’s never been officially released. (message me if I am mistaken) Enjoy, and the lyrics are below as well.

Lindsay Lohan – Stuck

I wasn’t looking but I found you
I wasn’t ready but you got me anyway
I wasn’t looking but I had to
And now it seems like I can’t never look away

I’m going down down down
I am not myself when you’re around
Round round
No matter what I do
It’s too fast, too slow
This won’t last but I should go
But I can’t help it
I can’t, I am…

Stuck stuck stuck
I can try to run
But I am out of luck, luck, luck
It doesn’t matter where I go, I feel stuck,
Sticky fingers, sticky hands, sticky…
I am stuck stuck stuck
And I ain’t going I’m stuck

I didn’t listen but I heard you
I wasn’t there and yet you swept me off my feet
And there is no one I can turn to
Yeah I can run but you have got me on the peak,

I am not okay, kay, kay
Once again my heart got in the way, way, way
No matter what I do
It’s too wrong, too right
Tried to reason, tried to fight
But I can’t help it
I can’t, I am…

Stuck stuck stuck
I can try to run
But I am out of luck, luck, luck
It doesn’t matter where I go, I feel stuck,
Sticky fingers, sticky hands, sticky…
I am stuck stuck stuck

I’m still stuck
Stuck stuck
I can try to run
But I am out of luck, luck,
It doesn’t matter where I go
I’m still stuck, stuck
I can try to run
But I am out of luck, luck
Stuck stuck
I’m stuck stuck

I can’t, I am…

Stuck stuck stuck
I can try to run
But I am not unlocked, locked, locked
It doesn’t matter where I go, I feel stuck,
Sticky fingers, sticky hands, sticky…
I am stuck stuck stuck
And I ain’t going I’m stuck

Hello everyone. Wow it has been a long time since I did a blog for sure, too long. For me, I don’t want to bore people with useless posts, so, only when I have something to say or tell, then I shall post. And I do have something to tell, my story of how and what got me started in the sex industry, on the 10 year anniversary to the day that it happened, sort of speak.

Ten years ago, I was in a city called Edmonton chillin at my favorite nightclub, The Roost, all dressed fine having a great time. The music was slammin with the live dj, but I wasn’t dancing, just having a good time looking around hoping to get lucky.

Prior background, it was also the same month I had lost my job because I was transgendered (yes, in Canada that happened, so dont believe the freedom myth, reality is prejudice is a rampent epidemic at that time.) I really wanted to get away, loose myself in the crowd and feel good about being me while being free to be me.

Anyways, this girl came over and we started talking, just usual hello’s how you doing ect small talk. She was very friendly and we hit it off right away, little flirting too. Well ok, alot but thats why some people went to that club. We talked clear into the morning when last call was announced so we both left. She seen I had a car and asked if I could drive her to work, and I was like sure. We took off and talked while driving around, all the while I’m thinking where is this work place and damn going to work lookin that sexy, wow. Coming accross a side street she asked me to pull into it and park and I did. It was then she just kissed, no idea where it came from but it was one long slow make your legs feel weak kinda kiss. I was almost speachless it was that good. She was like I dont have to work tonight so lets head back to your place. Got some booze, cigarettes and a couple snacks and off we went back to my hotel room.

We started kissing as soon as we got there, had a few drinks and was getting crazy intimate with each other. Stopping for a brief moment she used the telephone to reply to a few messages on her voice box, and I heard some of what she was saying. So intriguing. When she got off, she asked why I was there and of course I told her about being fired for being tranny and went there looking for work. She understood and took a couple more calls and I knew what work she was in by the conversation I could hear. Turning to me and looking me up and down, she asked if I wanted to do what she did. I was really interested and said yes without even thinking. We both smiled and took yet another call of which this time she put me on the phone half way into the conversation. This was it, my first time talking to someone who wanted to pay … for sex. He asked my name and I made like I couldnt hear him and said one second, looked to her and said “he asked my name”. Instantly she replied “Passion”.

By the time morning came around, we left because she was taking me to the spots, where to hang out at, where to find a safe shelter, and to get my first outfit for my first night out. This was another defining moment of my life, not only this whole experience, but also the going out. As we were looking at dresses I was so into a bunch of micro mini skirts but no, I couldnt get any of those. “Here” she said “this is your first night dress.” I looked and it was a long black dress, so long all you could see is my ankles and a tiny bit of lower leg. I was like are you kidding me? No, she wasn’t. Any girl with short skirts and a tiny tight top, and I dont want any girl, only a true beauty can get paid for sex using her beauty and not just relying on her body alone. She was so right. And yes, I was in a sense, hers, in other words she was pretty much my mentor and pimp.

I did work that night, as she continuously raised my price, kept making money spending money, never saving money. I was one hell of a week, sometimes scarey, and sometimes it made me feel like that is where I belong doing what I love to do … having sex. I really did enjoy it looking back, I met some really cool people and had a wonderful time. My last day, I was having weird flashback like things going on in my head, and by the time they stopped I had driven out of the city. I still have no idea how I got out without having an accident in that state of mind. lol. All I knew was, I was part of a sex industry and I loved it, and it was exactly what I wanted to do. I also knew that, streets were dangerous and I would eventually end up dead if I kept up being a prostitute. It was during the rest of the drive back home that I decided the internet was the way to go, and become a pornstar.

I really wish I could meet this girl again though, even just to say hello. Her name was Velvet and was also Miss Gay Saskatoon (yes, she was a transsexual too). If anyone knows where she is or heard of her, please let me know.

And thats the beginnings of what started it all. The story is true, but some details nobody will ever know. I do not reccomend anyone to dive into a life of prostitution if they want to see what its like in any way. However, I have no regrets what so ever about what I did. If I woke up and had to do it all over, I would in a heartbeat.

Have you ever wanted two things at the same time knowing that they cannot coexist together as one, so you go for the one and it’s always the wrong choice, but, keep making that same choice over and over hoping this time will be the way?

Well, it’s becoming a sideline story for me.

*Warning: If you don’t want to know some sexual details about me, then, I suggest you read another posting. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.*

My sex – love life is one big contradiction. This is just part of it and why it is.

There is two opposite sides to me. Some only know what they see, and some know the inner me.

The one side is a die hard romantic at heart. I am very loving, want to do so many sweet things, and just be with a special someone because being with them is the place to be and the best moments in life ever. I do believe in love, true love, the kind that lasts forever no matter what. I like to cook clean do dishes laundry and all the things thats “housewife” in the traditional sense. Laying in someone’s arms, just sitting with each other at the beach or in a park, savoring every moment wishing that moment would last a lifetime. I like to be loved like that in return and actually demand to be treated with the respect, courtesy kindness that someone would treat their special sweetheart with. Real love, not some cheap “myspace comment” generic love, or some fake ass “gangsta” steet love. I have to be the one, the only, the queen of the world. And I do like making love, at times.

But …

The other side of me is what contradicts this. I have this very kinky submissive side. I’m also the person who likes pain, you know, hard going rough sex. I like name calling, call me a bitch a slut a whore and it turns me on, at times. Pull my hair, hit me, tie me up or just throw me down and do me. It drives me crazy all of that. Make me do sexual things for money, yes, you know what that means. All of these things also gets me turned on, alot to be honest.

I do attract both types of persona’s, however, nobody has been both. Some try but one will always overpower the other and it makes a one way or the other senario.

The sweet sincere person for some reason, I just can’t believe that someone would want to be that person to me. You know, things too good to be true usually are, and that is what I live by. I do have trust issues, anyone who knows me will tell you that. So, I look for the bad, expecting it, because nothing can be one hundred percent good. That is why I think I never go for that type.

I am attracted to danger, and I think that shows in me. I think that if someone says “I’ll beat you until your ass is bruised” then I know it will happen and know what to expect. It’s like, it’s bad yes but it’s honest. What you see is what you get. But, I want mutual conscentual things to happen. The wild kinky stuff because we both want it. However, there are the days, even the day after the rough stuff, that I don’t want to be treated like that and want to just do the lovey stuff and be respected. But this type can’t do that and in the end, it doesn’t work because it turns to abuse. Being neglected, humiliated, cheated on and left to feel like complete trash.

It’s not the persons fault at all in my case. I want things and I know full well that they will turn to the things I hate. In the end when it doesn’t work, it leaves two people hurt. The other is hurt because they think I want one thing and they give it to me and I do a complete flip and wonder why I’m being treated like a whore when in fact, I wanted to be. If I ever went for someone who wants to be sweet and give me flowers and such, I’d flip because they wouldn’t be the type to give me the pain I want and I’d be left unsatisfied and I’d leave them too, not for doing wrong, but probably for doing everything right. I would also suspect anyone treating me too nice, to be doing dumb shit and trying to cover it up.

I am in control of my own destiny and I know this. This cycle I do bring on myself, and I end up hurting people, and end up being lost wondering if it is possible for the two types to be in one person and one day I will find that special someone.

Why did I post this? It’s what is going on inside my head at the moment, and it does bug me. You can comment if you like. But another warning, I do get alot of good advice and go do the opposite anyways. I may be smart, but I’m also hard headed. When I get an idea I just go with it and ignore the warning signs.

Thats all for now.

Hello everyone. Well, it’s finally here, the release day of my newest creation, the site your on. I’m excited as um, anyone who is on a nude beach for the first time, and yes just as nervous. Oh well, whatever happens happens and that’s that. Some will come here and be hating like crazy, and that is a give in, I don’t expect it but I accept it. But some are gonna get what I do and enjoy it. I’m like contradictory in my persona. Real life I’m quiet keep to myself (most days, there are times mind you I party like tomorrow will never arrive), but I’m also a people person and do what I do for the viewers, my fans and even my friends. Yeah, people who know me do “know me” if you know what I mean. I even do things for those that would otherwise hate on someone like myself, outgoing net personality or what I look like or my sexuality, it’s whatever. If you keep to your own “group” things will never change, and me, well, I know that and dare to go where I never should just to prove that I can. Hey someone got to break the chains of stereotypes right?

Ok I got a WAY off topic. I do that but hey it’s my Planet damnit! lol. I’m feelin good right now, everything is … right. This is something I always wanted to do. Hope you like. And yes, I am going to be using this as a journal of sorts. My life and things important to me … out there for you.

Take care and have a wonderful day. Toodle di do’s.

P.S. Here is one of my current favorite video’s